Lincoln, age 4

"I'm too tired for dogs and prayers."

Ana, 2; Lincoln, 4

Lincoln: Ana, are you a princess?

Ana (age 2): No. I'm Superman.

Ana, age 2

Ana, age two, counts like this: 2, 3, 4 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 2, 3, 4, 5, .... Over and over again.

Lincoln, age 4

Me to Lincoln: Ana thinks you are the most wonderful thing in the world.

Lincoln (with confidence): I'm not?

Ana, age 2

Ana showed me her belly button today and said, "tummy broken."

Lincoln, age 4

Lincoln: I should've created the Earth instead of Jesus.

Me: Why you?

Lincoln: So that everything would have to obey me.

Lincoln, age 4

‎"It's not milk Ana. It's Egg Hog."

Lincoln, age 4

Woody: You've got a date with justice, One Eyed Bart.

Lincoln: A date with justice with my fart?

Lincoln, age 4

While watching "Rescuers Down Under," Lincoln says, "Where's Superman when you need him?"

Lincoln, age 4

While taking out Halloween decorations. I have some Frankenstein candle holder hands that I was setting up and Lincoln said, "Whose hands are those? Jesus's?"

Lincoln, age 4

If Superman pinched himself, would he bleed?

Lincoln, age 4

I'm stronger than....nothing. I'm as strong as a lizard.

Lincoln, age 4

Me: There's only one person who never made any mistakes. Do you know who that is?

L: Me?

Which Sport? - Ana, age 2

Ana likes to wear Lincoln's baseball glove. She calls it her "foofall (football) hand" and throws the football with it.

Lincoln, age 4

L: My brain told me I wanted milk, but I said I wanted water.

Me: Why didn't you say you wanted milk?

L: Because my brain is not a father.

Lincoln, age 4

Lincoln invited me camping in Ana's room and said, "Come camping and taste the roast beef I made. It's really good. It has chicken in it."

Ana, 2; Lincoln, 4

Ana was saying "Little Mater," and Lincoln said, "Maybe she's not saying 'Little Mater.' Maybe she's saying 'Yellow Murder'."

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Lincoln to Ana: Hey, Doctor Fart.

Ana, age 2

Me: Lights out!

Ana: No! In!

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Mom, I'm not obeying you. My spirit is telling me to clean.

That's a New Excuse, Lincoln age 3 1/2

Mom, I can't eat these pancakes. They are TOO good.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

I have lots of toots. I don't like toots, they're stinky.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

When I'm done with preschool, I'm going to be a lawyer.

Ana, age 1 1/2

Me to Ana: What does the rain say?

Ana: Quack.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

L - You can't do it as good as me because I'm the awesomest.

Me - Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say.

L - But, maybe you can be like me.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

L- Why can't I use your face wash?

Me - Because it's for old ladies with zits and wrinkles.

L - I have wrinkles....on my toes....on the bottom when I take a bath.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

We were listening to "If you're happy and you know it" and they said "snap your fingers." Lincoln thought they said "slap your pee-ers."

Boys V. Girls

Alexandra: Let's say we had a baby.

Lincoln: And I have a gun.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

I need some red boots. Like strawberries.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

When the Holy Ghost leaves your body, you die.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

I'm getting a headache in my tummy.

Ana at 20 months.

We were sitting in the sun today and Ana sat on my lap and said, "Mom, leg, white."

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

L - Who was Thumbelina?

Me - She was as big as a thumb.

L - Is Buildinglina as big as a building?

I have enough grandmas, Lincoln, age 3 1/2

At church one of the older ladies asked Lincoln if he'd like to come to her house. I told him she was a grandma and would be lots of fun. He got shy and hid behind my leg until she left. After she was gone, he turned to me and said, "Maybe she could be my wife!"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

We were hiking in Arches and there was a group of guys who weren't wearing any shirts. One of the guys complimented Lincoln and told him what a great rock climber he was. Lincoln responded, "I'm wearing a shirt."

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Lincoln had a chance to talk to his papa Dave and the first thing he said to him was, "When I get big, can I drive your camper?"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Lincoln told me to put his shoes on the shoe rack, and I said, "What do I look like to you?" and he replied, "A monster."

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

AJ to L - If you want to be a lady slayer, you should learn how to play an instrument.

L - I just want to be a dragon slayer.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2 On Parenting...

L - I'm pretending to be Ana's dad.

Me - How's that going for you?

L - It's hard. My brain stopped working.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

My stomach made a gurgling sound and Lincoln asked, "Was that diarrhea?"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Lincoln pulled a bottle of Mr. Clean out of the cupboard and asked, "Is this Mr. Googlebugger?"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Me: You did great at the dentist today!

Lincoln: So, what do I get?

Conversations with Ana, age 1 1/2

Ana likes to go "pee" on the toilet, this is how our conversation goes:

A - pee (I put her on the toilet and immediately:) done.

Me - Are you done? Will you let me put your diaper on?

A - Nope. Pee. Done.

Me - Will you let me put your diaper on?

A - Nope. Pee. Done.

etc. This goes on and on for 5 to 10 minutes.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

My feet are sweat.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

I think Ana pooped. Or maybe I have stinky breath.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Ana was eating, and Lincoln said, "There it goes in her throat, and in her lungs, and in her gills, and in her tummy!"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Lincoln and Darin were putting easter eggs in their underwear (which is funny in itself) and Lincoln said, "We're puttin' eggs in our bootys!"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Lincoln was going to the bathroom, and Darin told me he was eating candy in the bathroom. So, I went in and said, "are you eating candy in here?" Lincoln said, "yes" even though he wasn't. I said, "What kind?" And he said, "green candy." Then he looked in the toilet at his poop, and said, "Oh! Nope! Brown candy!"

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Sometimes I'm two. Sometimes I'm five. Sometimes I'm a cougar. Sometimes I'm a fish.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

Oh, I forgot. It's not 11:30. It's 15 miles long.

Lincoln, age 3 1/2

I don't like two anymore.

Lincoln, age 3

We were talking about someone being in jail, and Lincoln asked why they were in jail. We told him it was because they made a really bad choice.

He said, "I don't make really bad choices. I only have to go to my room!"

Lincoln, age 3

We were watching Spiderman 3, and Peter Parker was in the shower and Lincoln said, "I want to see if he's wearing underwear."

Lincoln, age 3

Lincoln was telling us the bedtime song he wanted us to sing to him. He said the song goes "I am a window. I know my heart is true."

Lincoln, age 3

Lincoln has taken to calling me "Mommy Salami"

Lincoln, age 3

I'm the biggest. Look how big my face is!

Lincoln, age 3

L- I'm going to die!
me - Why are you going to die?
L - Because my heart is going to stop beating.

Lincoln, age 3

I'm going to have a headache in a few days.

Lincoln, age 3

I will put my hands on his throat and he will stop breathing. Then he will die.

Lincoln, age 3

Lincoln and Alexandra used an entire tub of Vick's Baby Rub on themselves. I told Lincoln they he knows better, and he said, "no, I don't because I'm a little baby."

Lincoln, age 3

Lincoln came in the room wearing a dress (purple nightgown with princesses on it) and I said, "Lincoln, you need to take that dress off. I'm going to count to five, and you need to do it yourself. If you don't do it, and I have to take it off you, you can't come with me." Lincoln responded, "I'm going to count to three, and you're going to quit talking."

Lincoln, age 3

L- My nose hurts!
me - Why?
L - I put salsa in it.

Lincoln, age 3

These underpants are so big! They go eight miles up my tummy!

Lincoln, age 3

L - "Daddy, are you pooping fish?"
Dad - "Why would I be pooping fish?"
L - "Because I love you!"

Lincoln, age 3

I put pigtails in Ana's hair, and Lincoln said, "Is she Shrek?"

Lincoln, age 3

L - Why did Darin do that? (erase a picture on a dry erase board)
Me - He was just being silly.
L - Indeed.

Lincoln, age 3

Lincoln woke up in the morning and said, "I was kicking my legs for you, but you never came!"

Lincoln, age 3

We were walking in the mall and we passed a jewelry store and Lincoln said, "GO BACK! I saw something beautiful!" So, I went back and he pointed at this beautiful, sparkly bracelet on a pillow and said, "look at that beautiful pillow!"

Lincoln, age 3

We've been watching a lot of Cinderella lately, and Lincoln said to me today, "I wish I had a stepmother."